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LAMB:  The past few days have been the most challenging days I have ever experienced as a parent. You have been pushing the boundaries like never before. You seem to be sticking firm to the notion that any sort attention is good just so long as you get attention. I don't know how much of this is just a developmental stage or how much, if any, is because you are feeling threatened by the attention your baby brother is receiving. I wish I could say that I dealt with it well, I wish could say that I handled it with compassion and levelheadedness. The horrible truth is that I didn't. I let you down. I did and said things I wish I hadn't. I know no one is a perfect parent, I know this mothering gig is tough, so I try not to beat myself up too much. But for the first time I feel utterly ashamed of myself, I feel I could have and should have done better. Not once did I get physical with you but I said some things in anger that I truly regret. Of course, being the beautiful, compassionate, loving soul that you are all has been forgiven and forgotten in your eyes. But the thing is, you deserve better.

6 comments:

  1. I have had those days/moments too. Days where anger has surfaced and I have said things that I regretted the moment they left my mouth. I am getting better at taking these experiences as learning opportunities and trying to be the bigger, stronger person next time. My daughter sounds very much like your Lamb. She is COMPLETELY adorable but at the same time she is VERY challenging. She has taught me a lot about the type of mum I want to be and pushed me to work hard for it.
    Go gently on yourself. You are both learning as you go along, you will make mistakes as will your Lamb. xx

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  2. awww, big hugs mama. Yes I too have had those hard moments and felt that shame at not being the mother I want to be at those times. Ummmm I had one of those moments today!! It feels wretched :( but each day is a new day and our children are indeed forgiving and loving. just as we strive to forgive and love them ;) just remember that your mothering is not characterised by one hard day. so be gentle w yourself too! we live, learn, rinse off and try again. hoping for brighter days for you all from here on in. who knew this parenting gig would be us learning just as much (or more?!) than the kids!? keeping aiming to be 'bigger,stronger,wiser and kind' and know that your little Lamb is grateful for the boundaries you set when she is overwhelmed xx

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  3. So this one time my mother and I were at her parents house watching old home movies. On the tv is little me, a little older than Lamb, jumping on the sofa while my mom sits next to me. In this video my mom is the same age I am now as we watch this.
    My 20 something mother in the video leans over to bouncing me and says just loudly enough for the camera to pick up (and in the scariest nastiest I-will-end-you voice), "If you don't stop jumping on the couch I'm going to jump on your head."

    My mom, seeing this for the first time even though it was shot 20 year ago, busts a gut laughing at her previous parenting skills. Not even out of embarrassment but the young mother she used to be just cracked her up something awful and after a few seconds I started laughing at her laughing.

    One day Lamb will grow up and realize you're a person not just her Mom and you acting like a normal human being will be hilarious to the both of you.

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  4. I read something the other day that really struck me "motherhood is the shortest and fastest road to enlightenment"
    It's just so true- these little people teach us the big lessons. They bring out the best in us but sometimes the worst. I have one child like your lamb- it sometimes frustrates me to no end but I am trying to see her as my teacher. She's teaching me to be a better person, and a better mum to my other two as well. Try to see these days as a lesson learnt rather than a failing. This is good advice for me too!

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  5. Just because you are a Mum doesn't make you a super hero. We're only human and as such will make mistakes and have perfectly normal human reactions to things.
    xx

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