Taking a break

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Photography and I have been at odds with one-another over the past few weeks. Every time I look at my camera I just feel deflated. I think: 'What's the point? Everything has been done before. And whatever I do there is always someone out there who could do it so much better anyway.' The other day I was looking through some of photos I took while I was studying and I realised that I used to be a much better photographer. Which isn't fair, really. The subject matter, plus the reasons and motivations for taking the photos I took in uni couldn't be any more different from what I'm doing now. They are so far apart there is no point comparing them. But compare I do. I compare without even realising I'm doing it. And I do it constantly. I recognise that my negative thought patterns are blinding me to the fact that the whole reason I took on this project was simply to document. To record a precious, fleeting childhood not to make meaningful, poignant art. But I've also been through these episodes enough to recognise that this is just another one of my self-doubting phases. And that's it's not necessarily a bad thing either. Even if it feels like it is.

18 comments:

  1. Lovely post!
    xx
    http://shititsmidnight.blogspot.co.uk/

    My new post: http://shititsmidnight.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/the-met-gala.html

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  2. The growing edge is always the most painful. Whenever I go through a phase like this, I seem to come out the other side with renewed energy and confidence. I hope the same will be true for you.

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    Replies
    1. Me too. I just have to wait for that energy to come back.

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  3. Oh I love reading your honest thought here. I too struggle a lot with feeling like "what's the point?" in my photography and I agree with the notion that it feels like everything has been done before and it can be overwhelming. No matter how much I question, I always end up coming back to the camera. Still taking photos but always questioning...

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  4. I do love zoo so much your photos. Not one day in these past years I have told to myself, Oh this one seems like an older one, because I'm everyday so much delighted by your pictures, so inspiring, so magical...I hope your ideas will bring you to find new ways for your art, new lights or new point of view??? I'm sure you're such an amazing talented photographer and we need you!!! (even very far from you!)

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  5. Your photos bring magic. Your photos are a magnifying glass over elements that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. Your work is beautiful, creative, thoughtful and mood-provoking.
    I have a feeling you will look back on these images of your children and husband in maybe ten years time and be grateful that you were there, with your camera.
    Your work matters and it is worth the effort. Try not to be so hard on yourself when you continue to produce very high-quality stills of special moments.
    With love and admiration,
    Bella x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :) I owe you an email too. I've been so busy recently.

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  6. Oh my goodness...your photographs never fail to inspire me. Better composition, better editing, and better awareness of light. It always feels like you live in such an enchanted world.

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  7. Thank you for just becoming human to me.

    Hope you get your mojo back soon x

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  8. I can 100% identify with what you're saying. I've followed you for some time, and it's been so wonderful to see you have a wider reach and well deserved success lately! I hope you get back to a place where you feel overjoyed by your beautiful creations. Your post reminded me of this Ted talk by Elizabeth Gilbert https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_success_failure_and_the_drive_to_keep_creating

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  9. I'm with you... I struggle with the same thoughts all the time... only shit I photographed in the past sucks. We just need a mom date to vent and get over it and move on. You're pure magic though... I think everyone would agree. Out of this world.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. And your work NEVER sucks. I only hope to be as good as you one day.

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  10. ^^ comment meant for more recent post x

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  12. Your work is so beautiful, moody and personal. I identify so much with your feelings of perfectionism and comparison. It's too bad that when I am in my head like that, nothing adds up. I will never live up to my expectations and those around me won't either. I try to practice gratitude...sometimes I actually have to write a gratitude list because I NEED to get it out of my head! Also, a favorite affirmation of mine is: I AM ENOUGH. I HAVE ENOUGH. I DO ENOUGH. That way, I do not rob myself of the present moment!! I so appreciate your writings along with your gorgeous imagery. Have a grateful day! xoxo

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